It’s snowing again today, with a forecast of a twelve inch accumulation by tomorrow. As most people are barricaded indoors at the moment, I took this opportunity to get my hair cut. Just as I suspected, there was no line and everything was going perfect until the hairdresser took the tiny clippers to my ears. After doing the standard close-up around the outside of my ears, she then proceeded to use the clippers IN my ears. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, I’ve reached the point in my life where the insides of my ears have become part of my haircut.

Oh also, accidentally shaved off my beard last night. I was trying to trim it up a bit and took off a big chunk. The only thing to do was mow it all down. It was a sad evening. But now my chin, head, and ears are all trimmed and looking good.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 01:16 PM | Comments (2)

Traditionally, I’ve never been much of a scarf wearer. However, when my big sis started knitting, I got jealous of every else’s handmade scarves and asked her to make one for my Christmas present. She did and I immediately fell in love with it. I never knew the back of my neck could be so warm. I had no idea how much warmer in general my chin and torso could be when I’m out and about in cold weather. This was a couple of years ago. I’ve dutifully worn my scarf every day the temperature dips below 45 since. This past Friday I discovered a new use for my scarf.

Thursday night an ice storm blew through encasing Batesville in a thin shell of ice. By Friday morning the precipitation had evolved into snow, and after accidentally sighing loudly while looking out the window at work, my boss sent me home around ten in the morning so I could drive to Memphis before the proposed eight inches of snow accumulated. Before getting out of town I had to fill my gas tank. This how it happened:

1. Pull into gas station. Get out of car.
2. Put credit card into thingy and turn to open gas cap.
3. Realize new car (thanks again mom) has gas lid opener lever inside.
4. Open door, push dog back, pull lever, close door.
5. Go back to the pump. Notice lid still closed.
6. Open door, push dog back, pull lever again, close door.
7. Go back to the pump. Notice lid still closed.
8. Realize latch must be frozen due to aforementioned ice storm.
9. Open door, shove dog back, pull lever forcefully, close door.
10. Go back to the pump. Realize lid is not going to open.
11. Try to pry lid open with finger nails. Wince and stop.
12. Try to pry lid open with car keys. No luck.
13. Think maybe I loosened it.
14. Open door, shove dog back, pull lever again, close door.
15. Go back to the pump. No luck.
16. Wedge keys into crack in lid.
17. Open door, wrestle dog back, pull lever, hear keys drop, close door.
18. No luck.
19. Wedge keys even further into crack in lid.
20. Open door, wrestle dog back, pull lever, hear keys drop, close door.
21. Still no luck.
22. Try to pry lid open with keys.
23. Measure arm span and discover it woefully to short to reach both lever and lid at the same time.
24. Consider trying to pull lever with foot.
25. Try to pry lid open with keys.
26. Open door, fight dog back, take off scarf.
27. Realize Sarah’s expert craftswomanship made scarf too tightly knitted to fit lever into gap in yarn.
28. Try anyway. Fail.
29. Fight dog back again.
30. Fold scarf in half, loop fold around lever.
31. Walk carefully back to tank with scarf ends in hand, yelling at dog to stay.
32. Dig keys into crack, pull on scarf, cheer in excitement as lid pops open.
33. Put scarf back on, close door, pump gas.

Thanks Sarah. I couldn’t have done it without you.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:20 PM | Comments (3)

Something I’m realizing is that snow makes me happy—very happy. I got to drive though a whole bunch of snow and ice this weekend and I loved every second of it. I even enjoyed the harrowing seconds spent passing semi trucks as they spit frozen slush all over my windows. I’m fairly certain more than a few curse words were directed my way as I cruised past other drivers on my way to Memphis Friday while the snow was still coming down. I loved that too, because I knew I was driving within my limits.

At one point I had to stop to knock the accumulated ice of my wipers. When I stepped out of the car I was hit with a blast of near horizontal freezing, stinging, icy mist. I loved it. I loved going into the gas station and escaping the cold for a few minutes, then heading back out into the inclement weather. I loved later in the night when we walked carefully across the iced over sidewalks to a nearby restaurant for dinner. I even loved getting ready for the drive and possible disaster by putting on two pairs of wool socks and my boots before hefting an armload of emergency blankets and candles into my backseat.

I love snow.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:34 PM | Comments (0)

I haven’t shaved in nearly three weeks. It started when I spent my unexpected week in Memphis. Since I hadn’t planned on being there so long, I didn’t pack my razor. When I got back to Batesville, I was too busy and stressed to bother shaving. And now, I just figured it’s come this far, why not let it keep going; although I have had to trim the mustache area to keep it out of my mouth. My beard is a little thing and scraggly, but it’s fun and gives me something to tug on when I’m thinking.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:10 AM | Comments (5)

While putting powdered creamer in my coffee:

Her, “I have real cream in the fridge if you want it.”
Me, “I don’t mind this stuff.”
Her, “You know they use that to start fires in the army.”
Me, “I use it to start fires in my taste buds.”

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 04:01 PM | Comments (0)

I finally found Throwback Pepsi. And by finally, I mean I spent a couple of days scouring the shelves of about three stores. Throwback Mountain Dew was all over the place, but it took a couple days to locate the real treasure. Still, I wish my quest had been a little questier, so the reward would more aptly match the searching, because when I popped the top on my first can this morning, it was like popping the top on a can of pure liquid happiness. High-fructose corn syrup has been ruined forever. I don’t know that I will ever be able to fully enjoy a non-throwback version of pop ever again.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 12:12 PM | Comments (6)

At 5:00 a.m. Monday morning I jumped in my jeep and started back to Batesville. Twenty or thirty minutes later, my jeep’s engine over heated and oil pressure dropped. I was stuck on the side of the road in the freezing temperatures while waiting for Kathryn to come pick me up. By the time she got to me, all ten of my toes were aching horribly from the cold. Shilo seemed fine. When we got back to Kathryn’s I crawled back into bed until 8:00. Then I found and called a mechanic. Around 8:15 the tow truck driver called me for specifics about where my jeep was located. I spent the next eight hours worrying about whether or not my jeep was going to be fixable and if so, how much it would cost. Around 4:00, I finally called to see what was going on. The mechanic said my jeep had just arrived not ten minutes ago. Why it took the tow truck eight hours to retrieve my jeep, I have no idea. But at that point I was told I would have to wait until the morning to hear anything. So now it’s the morning and I haven’t heard anything yet. I called my boss yesterday and today I’m working on a couple of articles for the magazine. Of course I wasn’t expecting to be in Memphis this long so my phone’s battery is just about dead and I didn’t pack a charger. I turn it on every hour or so to check for voicemail. So far, I’ve heard nothing. So I’m working and waiting and worrying. The three Ws. The good news is, my week can really only get better from this point.

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 10:26 AM | Comments (5)

1. Drink less pop
2. Write more

Posted by Johnny Rockstar at 09:06 AM | Comments (3)